Main Attractions

Main Attractions

These are the things which I assume people are going to say "Oh you went there? Did you see..." and of course are a matter of opinion!

The Colosseum, Forum and Museo Palatino

Many and most guide books will give you an admirable breakdown of the various monuments and sites within these ancient complexes, so I shan't be doing that!

A mere €12 will get you into all three sites, and as we got to the Forum quite late on Day 1, we were most obliged to the lovely gate personnel who let us through the gate again to see the museum on Day 2. The ticket will last you two days, which is plenty of time for both sites (the Museum is within the Forum).

The site of the Forum houses two impressive collections, one of glass and mosaic relics from the site, and the Museo Palatino, showing both Roman and earlier remains found on that particular hill. There were holes found that were previously the foundation of a round-ended hut. I'm not going to make any assertions about any mythical twins, but as the hill gives a commanding view of the city - it isn't surprising that people have been settled here a while. The sculpture floor is interesting as it shows Rome's interest in other cultures and how they integrated the things they liked (sphinxes, Bes, elephants) into their own wall art. Definitely worth including.

The grounds of the Forum are a pleasure to stroll around in, columns and statues kept clear in places from the Mediterranean hedgerow. My favourite part was in the ruins of the palace of Tiberus, on top of which spread the pleasure gardens of Cardinal Farnese (Orte Farnesiani). In the bowels of the palace, an old fountain or altar space is gradually calcifying beneath the run-off from a leaking fountain above its ceiling. Two statues remain behind its locked doors; everything else is gone. Above, rambling plants have all-but overgrown the waterfall which provides oxygen for the goldfish living below (goldfish may not be original).

The Colosseum is bound to please. It is as the name suggests, and houses displays on artefacts found in the complex, as well as discussion on what went on there and how. I don't think I need to go into detail here; you're going to see it even if you don't visit it, and if you're seeing it, you'll probably visit it!

Awesome history: 8/10

New discoveries: 8/10

Partially under construction: 4/10 (no navel for us)

The Vatican Museum and St Peter's Basilica

We ended up in town on Free Sunday, so we headed over for Free Sunday. But of course, so had everyone else. Get over there early!!

So, we were offered a guided tour for €25 each which would mean skipping the queue and being told some fascinating facts into the bargain. Faced with the possibility of large wooden doors slamming in our faces, we opted in. Never Again.

We assumed, until our guide started talking, that this was a reputable tour company. We'd also assumed, having been in Egypt for a while, that this sort of offer was for a guide for us and just us. Oh-oh no, my friend! We were at least 60 strong as we fast-tracked through those gates and were handed from person to person until we reached 'Cas', our guide.

The Tiger thinks she was a Djinn. He was very sure, after some bad experiences in Egypt, to ask explicitly for an English-speaking guide. That's what we got. That's all we got.

Well, not quite all...

Alarm bells started ringing when, while we waited for people to make sure they had used the lavatory and loaded up on water, she began talking about herself, not the ancient and revered building in whose lobby we were standing in. I took the red pill; some of you know what that mean - cute, geeky reference, I can dig that. She's an artist - doesn't like the art in the lobby (to be fair, neither did I, it's god-awful. Pardon the pun) - but it went on...

• Name: Cassiopeia Bush. Not genetically related to those Bushes, however...
• Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Vlad "Dracula" are (it's all on the Internet)
• I'm here in political exile, by the way.
• I'm a citizen of the Republic of California; there's no such thing as the United States of America; that's just a corporation.
• We're all slaves of the corporations, by the way; just most of us don't know it.
• I always trust my instincts (trust your instincts)
• Michelangelo was thinking with both sides of his brain (do the math, two sides!)
• The Monument is like a pine cone. PINE cone, PINEal gland? Do the math!
• It's funny how in so many cultures you get this pine staff, like the pineal gland, huh? Do the math!
• Michelangelo was off the scale artistically. Michelangelo's OCD was off the scale. I'm OCD too, by the way.
• Up there is a dragon: draco: draconus: draconian: do the math! Trust your instincts; it's all on the Internet.
• If you could get me anything, I would say get me into the vault. Or one of these; this urn is marble and amber (OK, less conspiracy-theorist, but... it was alabaster, not amber...)
• We all know about Amber from Jurassic Park; we all know what amber truly is now...
• So there was Cleopatra I, II... so this is Cleopatra... and of course she was Alexander the Great's niece, she was Macedonian, that's on the internet. (It was Cleopatra VII!! VII!! and I think after that many generations (and as Ptolemy was not Alexander's nephew), she's allowed to be called Egyptian!!! [The Tiger's rage had shown a while ago. This is the point I got properly vocal.])
• They have an observatory here, the highest in the world, that they didn't tell us about until recently - that's very interesting, isn't it? Well, now they've told us about the telescope in the Antarctic, the new highest on earth, they've finally told us! It's on the Internet...
• The Romans quarried 95% of Egypt's red granite, and 85% of that is in Rome. (Egyptophile note: Um... have you been to Aswan?! If they'd taken 85% of 95% of Aswan's granite, the entire city would have to be made of it).

And it goes on. Basically, it's all about your pineal glad, the Vatican are hiding things from us, and if it had been done in a way which was tongue in cheek, or if we'd asked for it, fine! But really? It just made us cross. I hate to say it, but I would not support on-the-spot guides again. I just wouldn't.

As for the Vatican? Go. They have an amazing collection of Greek and Roman statuary, two rooms of sensational beasts, Raphael's tapestries and of course the Sistine Chapel itself, in all its restored glory. The Basilica as well is beautiful, but again, if you're there, you're going to see it. You don't need me to tell you to go!

Conspiracy theories: 9/10

Of course you need math! It's an architectural master piece! 10/10

Ripped off in Rome: 9/10 (there were moments of entertainment value)

Villa Borghese

I'm tempted to say this one might be a little less well known, as I had no knowledge of it pre-Roma, but as you have to book a time-slot to get in, it can't be too ambiguous!

Located in the vast Borghese estate, this art collection-become-museum is an exhibition in itself. Famous architects were involved in every stage of its construction, as Cardinal Scipione Borghese and his descendants had very, very refined tastes!

Lucrezia Borgia doesn't feature, but Bernini, Carravaggio, Raphael and Ancient Rome do.

Cardinal Sciopione shamelessly used his own influence and that of his uncle (the Pope) to collect a vast and ranging variety of sculpture and canvas. He also had an eye for new talent. If you're not a fan of Bernini before you go (and you may be), you will be after seeing his David, Apollo and Daphne and The Rape of Persephone. It is marble as alive as it will ever be, including branches with leaves made of the stuff, which apparently ring like crystal if you tap them. David bites his lip before he loses the rock; Daphne's fingers become the most delicate leaves; Persephone's flesh yields beneath Pluto's grabbing fingers. They are, for want of a better word, beautiful.

The audioguide is a must, as the labels are in Italian, and even then, not detailed. I learned the difference between Neoclassicism and Baroque, courtesy of Bernini and a statue of Napoleon's sister.

There is also the fact that the whole house was made to be beautiful, so the ceilings are all either fresco or portraits that have been attached to the ceiling. The Egyptian room is the most ridiculous, as it is so obviously fashionable, not accurate (Anubis, in particular, is hilariously bad), but then perhaps a scholar of Roman art would say the same of some of the more Roman decorations.

Go. For the sake of all that's beautiful, go.

Holy f*ck 10/10

I don't even 10/10

More please 10/10